One thing about me is that therapists are often shocked that I can talk about really severe trauma without seeming to have any emotional response to what I’m saying. This has started to be problematic now that I’m spending a lot of time with “neurotypicals,” because I can be tone deaf to what is and…

Here’s the video I promised in my last entry!! Also, I should mention that I did manage to track down the notes that the surgeon left regarding how my procedure went. They did indeed find the stone, but they weren’t able to remove it and hence the stent. Now, Dr. X surely did encourage me…

Well, it has been an eventful couple of weeks. I’m sure you’ve all been on the edges of your seats wondering what is up with the Apostate Turtle. Well, I’m still working full-time at my dream job and slowly completing a practicum at the local community college. As far as I can tell, my boss…

I wanted to share another update on my housing situation so it would help me process. I honestly do not understand the difference between a lot of these people’s job descriptions, but they apparently managed to find a new regional director for the group homes. My expectations were low, but on May 22 (Monday of…

I’m so frustrated. I discharged from the hospital in June of last year, and for a long time I stayed on the medications that were prescribed by Dr X. In March, I went through some trauma (which I have belabored in previous posts) so my outpatient psychiatrist decided to add 150mg of oxcarbazepine twice a…

I feel like my previous blog posts have been pretty repetitive. I’ve been ruminating on how unsafe I feel living in this group home. And, honestly, I find it hard to blame myself. I was trapped. However, a lot of things have finally changed to be more positive and so I thought I’d put up…

Things are just not going very well. I think group home staff thinks I’m “over” being completely traumatized in March, as though they can do whatever they want and it’ll blow over eventually. But no, I’m not over being expected to just accept that part of being in a group home is I don’t deserve…

Well. Today started out pretty rough. It’s hard to work effectively with kids when you’re constantly being pulled out of the moment by suicidal ideation. It wasn’t like extreme, just enough to be annoying. And things that I would usually be able to ignore were suddenly triggering for me. For example, one little girl had…

The day treatment program I was in is now defunct, but we sort of have a group chat still, just most people left. I suspect it’s because I talked about my job too much. Anyway, I tried posting in the group chat today and didn’t get much in the way of responses, but I’m sharing…

I’d been meaning to update this blog for a while, but life has been exhausting. Then last night I called the hospital where I was inpatient for over a year. I asked about a specific nurse who had always been amazing to me, only to find out she had gotten a new job. I think…