Author: theapostateturtle

After over a year of people suggesting that I limit my daily to-do lists, I’ve finally started doing it. The urging of my current outpatient therapist was the straw that finally convinced the camel not to set her sights too high. Each day (if I’m going to be productive that day), I list three things…

This makes all the sense in the world to me. I don’t even know what to add. I grew up in chaos with absolutely no schedule or routine, and I’ve been trying for my entire adult life to be able to remedy that, but it just leads to frustration. I feel defeated because I can’t…

Sometimes I feel like I’m getting it from all sides. I have a trauma disorder, and trauma disorders fall under the umbrella of mental illness, and some people with mental illness also have cognitive impairments, and therein lies the confusion. I wrote the other day about the woman who thought I didn’t know to go…

I took a shower today. Historically, taking a shower has meant sweating profusely and hyperventilating for at least half an hour after getting out, but lately my body has decided to add in uncontrollable vomiting. My therapist strongly advised me to shower 1-2 times a week rather than daily since it seems like my body…

So, this group home really is not working out. The only two things that make it bearable are that there isn’t a roach infestation, and the rent is subsidized (although being required to pay 75% of my income feels steep) so I don’t have to worry about homelessness. But the other members of the group…

It’s almost 1am. I had been going to bed by 9pm and getting up at 5am, but last night and tonight my body has decided to rebel. Well, maybe not my body as much as my mind. It is very busy feeling sad right now, so it says we can’t go to sleep. I was…

I haven’t been on this blog as much lately because now that I’m out of the hospital and have my laptop back, I’ve been working on my book. Book-writing turns out to be really hard. It’s not that I don’t have enough to say, but when I’m writing about traumatic events in my life, it’s…

As I mentioned in my previous entry, as of June 1 I have been discharged from the psych hospital and am now in a group home. This has given me more freedom but much, much crazier roommates and reduced support from staff. I also don’t have a car or money for rideshares so I’ve been…

It’s been exactly four weeks since I was discharged and I haven’t updated this blog since! I’ve kind of been operating under the assumption that nobody was reading it anymore since I can no longer just shamelessly advertise it to any staff who will listen. It was kind of a sad day and I missed…

I stumbled across this for the first time years ago, and I think of it often. I think of things I said, and even genuinely believed. It was my extreme fortune that nobody ever made fun of me for it, even outside the “Christian bubble.” They just thought it was an interesting perspective that I…