After over a year of people suggesting that I limit my daily to-do lists, I’ve finally started doing it. The urging of my current outpatient therapist was the straw that finally convinced the camel not to set her sights too high. Each day (if I’m going to be productive that day), I list three things to do. Today, one of them was to clean my turtle’s tank. Sometimes, I have trouble getting myself to just do the thing. So I thought of a technique that a counselor mentioned when I was in inpatient probably like five years ago. He said that when you don’t want to do a thing, sit down and write out what you imagine it will be like. Don’t hold back on expressing just how absolutely awful you think it will be. Then, while doing the task, ask yourself how it compares to what you expected. When you finish, write your findings. So I decided to give it a whirl. Here are my notes:
Cleaning [turtle]’s tank will suck. I will be freezing. It will stink. Nasty water will splash all over me and my room and the bathroom. I will have to touch the water to extract my turtle. The tank won’t even be that clean afterwards because I will decide not to use the Fluker’s cleaner. I will never be able to figure out how to take apart and clean the filter and I will feel stupid. The toilet will clog because [my turtle] kicked so much dirt everywhere. I will be out of breath and gasping for air because I am fat and out of shape.
There were actually a few moments of deep, deep misery and disgust when there was swamp water all over my floor and my smoothie bottle fell into the bucket of despair, and those moments sucked. However, I DID use Fluker’s and I figured out an easier way to clean off the tank accessories without bending over the tub. I was not out of breath; maybe I’m getting stronger! The filter was way less confusing than I anticipated and honestly less gross as well. Temperature was not an issue and the toilet did not clog. I feel AMAZING now that the process is complete! I think I underestimated how good it would feel to be done. I dried the floor with a towel and the secondary mess is minimal.
The technique worked! Sometimes I feel like years of quality therapy have been lost on me, but I think it just takes longer for ideas to percolate in my mind than it does for most people. Maybe in 10 years I will actually be doing STUN Waves.
