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Category: Uncategorized

Veganism Again

Posted on October 24, 2022October 27, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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Yesterday, I decided to give myself a day off to do whatever I wanted. Except spend money, of course, since I don’t exactly have any. This is a problem because transportation is more expensive when you don’t have a car, so I found myself in my room watching YouTube videos all day. At first I…

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“Are you OK? Do you need anything?”

Posted on October 24, 2022October 24, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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I recently mentioned to my therapist that I do most of my schoolwork at night when staff is less likely to come and knock on my door asking if I’m okay. She asked what it meant to me when people ask if I need help. To me, in a best case scenario the other person…

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I got my first tattoo and I am SO EXCITED

Posted on October 23, 2022October 23, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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I probably would never have gotten a tattoo but I have scarring on my right wrist and all over my left forearm as a leftover reminder of my troubled youth, and my aunt and uncle volunteered to help me remedy that. It turns out that getting a tattoo is (at least from what I could…

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Better Today

Posted on October 17, 2022October 17, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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One time, Dr. X told me that if you’re in a crisis but you push through, things get better. Actually I suspect that I’ve had this conversation more than once with more than one person and probably more than once with just Dr. X. But the one conversation stood out and since yesterday was sort…

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Why can’t anyone love me?

Posted on October 16, 2022October 16, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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I just feel so deeply alone. I’ve been initiating contact with my siblings but they never ever respond. The only time I actually get to communicate with them is on Christmas if I get them gifts, so I maxed out my credit card (which had a low limit, fortunately) on Christmas presents for them. Then…

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Getting Back in the Swing of Things

Posted on October 9, 2022October 9, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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Just another life update. It turns out that missing ten days of school due to an emotional meltdown puts you way behind on life obligations, so I’ve been going crazy trying to catch up. I finally turned in my last past-due assignment yesterday and now I’m trying to finish this week’s projects by the end…

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Phoning Home

Posted on September 30, 2022September 30, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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Today was the two staff members at day treatment’s last day. I was expecting it to be hard, but it was harder than I was really ready for. I’ve been in my room since I got back and every time I hear footsteps I silently panic that somebody is going to knock on my door…

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Journals from the Hospital

Posted on September 29, 2022September 29, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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I discharged from the hospital today. I feel a lot better. When I was going through my long inpatient stay, “David” the staff member and I used to talk about The Two Percent. The Two Percent sucks. She and I have virtually nothing in common, and yet she hijacks my body and does and says…

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Third Time’s a Charm

Posted on September 22, 2022September 22, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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I finally just begged the crisis team worker to admit me since it was my third time in the ER in two days. I told him I knew I would probably be looking at spending a week in a really unpleasant ER setting but I just couldn’t manage on my own. Thankfully, he agreed. I’ve…

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Another Update

Posted on September 22, 2022September 22, 2022 by theapostateturtle
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Well, my therapist called the cops and I am in the ER for the third time in two days. So for anyone who might have been worrying, I am safe ❤️‍🩹

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