Well, as an update to last week’s mustard gas scare… still no mustard gas, but I definitely picked up a nasty cold while I was there. I was totally fine until Thursday morning and then wham. Also I know everyone gets nervous before starting a new job, but I think I’m more nervous than most people most of the time. It doesn’t help that the holidays have always been hard on me. So a lot going on.
Oh yeah and on Wednesday I found out that my cousin had died. Not just any cousin, but one who had consistently been there for me in a big way when my immediate family failed me. I even have a beautifully-wrapped Christmas present here from her that I haven’t been able to open yet. If I don’t open it, maybe she’s not gone. I still can anticipate a “new” interaction with her.
If anyone is wondering how I’m coping with all this… the answer is “not well.” I had therapy on Thursday but I wasn’t able to access any of what had just happened and I was exhausted so I cut the session a bit short. I’m kicking myself for that because now I’m barely clawing my way through the week and I don’t know who I can talk to. I need to be fully functioning in a week so I can start my new job and I’m nowhere near that.
I don’t want to speak too soon but I think I might be screwed.