I’ve been working really hard lately to rebuild my relationships with my sister and brother. It’s going better with the sister than the brother. I think motherhood and a kind husband have my sister on a path that is much more warm and gentle than the one my brother has taken. Brother thinks that if I got a job, I would be “normal.” I’m apparently not normal because I don’t have a job and instead I’m lazy and on SSDI, but if I worked hard and got a job (and maybe became a Republican), I could pull myself up by my own bootstraps and be “normal.” I tried to explain as he raged on the phone that it’s really hard to get a job when you’ve been in the psych hospital for almost nine months and the door is locked and you physically and legally can’t leave, but that made no impression on him whatsoever. He’s 100% sure that I should just get a job and it would make me normal.
But I love both my siblings and I don’t like the lack of contact that we’ve had for the past several years. Not only do I think they’re funny and enjoyable to talk to, but they ease the pain of being an orphan. I had to go No Contact with our parents, which I read about in a book (Morrigan, 2012). I did not adjust to this separation anywhere near as readily as my parents did, and I feel like my siblings are the only family I have left. A problem is that my siblings and my parents have not only maintained contact with one another, but they all live within a couple miles of each other and go to the same church and have continued the little, intensely-enmeshed family cult that I gave up everything to escape.
Anyway, I called my brother on Christmas and he was with my sister and I accidentally forgot not to mention evolution and this led to a moment of awkwardness which I then overthought and sent them a massive email. My main thing was that I just wanted to understand where I was coming from, but a piece of me thought that this might be the only exposure to science that they ever got. Among other things, I sent them nine citations, linked below.
Realizing how much I freaked out at the thought of a rupture in my relationship with either of my siblings made me realize how emotionally invested in them I’ve become. So many times, I’ve longed to just send them this blog. In my fantasies, they read the blog and it makes them understand and love me, and they escape the cult and live happier lives. In reality, they pathologize everything about me. They’re black and white thinkers: I’m mentally ill and they’re not; I’m mentally ill so one hundred percent of what they observe in me is symptoms of mental illness. They’re not gonna look at this blog and suddenly “get it;” they’re just gonna be alienated for life. I worry that someday, in a moment of weakness, I’m just going to shout out “APOSTATE TURTLE” and the jig will be up. I’m famous for initiating topics that nobody was even wondering about and incriminating myself when no one would have ever been the wiser if I could have kept silent. I hate having secrets.
Anyway, this winding post was meant to wind around to a destination, which is my fear regarding the closeness I’ve developed to siblings who are not emotionally safe for me. I don’t know if I accomplished that, but if nothing else, I’ve got some great links. I’m citing the book that first taught me about No Contact and which is also just thoroughly awesome in all ways. Beneath that I have those resources on evolution. I already wrote about them in my post “My Mother the Sadistic Pathological Liar” ( https://apostateturtle.com/?p=294 ) in which one of my complaints was that she knowingly lied about evolution, but here they are again.
Book Citation
Morrigan, D. (2012). You’re Not Crazy – It’s Your Mother: Understanding and healing for daughters of narcissistic mothers. Darton, Longman & Todd.
Evolution Resources
Genetically Modified Skeptic. (2020 May 3) 4 Mistakes Theists Make When Trying to Convert Atheists [YouTube video]. Retrieved January 4, 2022 from
https://youtu.be/hprmo3CifJ0
Forrest Valkai. (n.d.). Reacteria [YouTube playlist]. Retrieved January 4, 2022 from https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoGrBZC-lKFAg31nW8db5SmYJLldrUIfm
@renegadescienceteacher (n.d.). Videos by @renegadescienceteacher [TikTok channel] Retrieved January 4, 2022 from
https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdM1PdNy/
Genetically Modified Skeptic. (2017, October 1) This Guy Thinks His Christian Song Debunks Evolution (A Response) [YouTube video]. Retrieved January 4, 2022 from
https://youtu.be/tngWQSXEVsM
Genetically Modified Skeptic (2020, October 17) An Ex-Christian Q&A (Inside the Ark Encounter) [YouTube video]. Retrieved January 4, 2022 from
https://youtu.be/q4SaMJdfE8Y
TheThinkingAtheist. (2013, Jun 22). Atheists at the Creation Museum [YouTube video]. Retrieved January 4, 2022 from https://youtu.be/xVHWq0ZGE_Y
PineCreek. (2019, June 4). Mike Winger vs Mike Winger (Evolution vs Jesus) [YouTube video]. Retrieved January 4, 2022 from https://youtu.be/Uj5vQ8W75wk
CrashCourse. (n.d.). Crash Course Biology [YouTube playlist]. Retrieved August 24, 2021 from https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3EED4C1D684D3ADF
CrashCourse. (n.d.). Crash Course Big History [YouTube playlist]. Retrieved August 24, 2021 from https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8dPuuaLjXtMczXZUmjb3mZSU1Roxnrey
