Category: Uncategorized

Below is a journal entry I wrote in the summer of 2010, when I first started experiencing “doubt.” The handwritten commentary is from today: I’ve already posted this video in a different entry, but I think it’s applicable here: In the “beginning of the beginning” of my apostasy, I knew there was something wrong, but…

I went through my Google drive today and found about a million old journal entries that I had typed up. I didn’t read anything from 2009 or before because I was still so completely brainwashed at the time that it was too painful to look at. Most of the entries were painful to look at…

I remember belting out the words to this song at my Evangelical college along with hundreds of other students. “You and I were made to worship.” But is it true? At the time, it sure felt like it was. Since then, I’ve heard over and over that studies show belonging to a religion—pretty much any…

(For an updated view on this, see The Sacredness of Sisters here: https://apostateturtle.com/?p=513 ) I’ve spent the past few days losing my mind. I have a lot of major stressors in my life including an upcoming abandonment, and abandonment is one of my least favorite things in life. Meanwhile, my family is still so deeply…

Yes, I’m dedicating today to literally watching cat videos. I tried to write an entry that required me to think intelligently in order to produce, but I’m dissociated today and my reading comprehension is shot. Even having a conversation is hard because I can’t follow a train of thought. This happens sometimes when I’m overly…

After yesterday’s heavy post, I decided to make a list of things that I like. I thought that that would help any potential readers to understand who I am. I filled up two pages of lined paper and I’m on to page three. Obviously this will not be a comprehensive list and I’m not saying…

I hated Donald Trump. I don’t know if I have ever hated anybody so fully and passionately. When he was replaced with a president who I think is more “good” than “bad” (a post on values and how I define these terms is forthcoming!), I experienced a kind of personal renaissance. No longer do I…

When I was a twenty-something and still Christian, I once made friends with a woman who belonged to the Eastern Orthodox Church. I was passionate about unity within Christianity at the time because of verses like these: Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so…

In December of 2019, I was networking on the interwebs and made what I thought was a friend in Bolivia. We were both happy to practice one another’s languages so we mostly each wrote in our own native tongue and it worked out. Unfortunately, despite getting past the language barrier, we found a more serious…

It’s been a tough couple of days so I’m planning to keep it a bit light today. I had a difficult conversation with my doctor yesterday that left me hating myself until we met again today. Now I’m better. It is a function of my case of C-PTSD that once I begin to value somebody’s…