After yesterdayās heavy post, I decided to make a list of things that I like. I thought that that would help any potential readers to understand who I am. I filled up two pages of lined paper and Iām on to page three. Obviously this will not be a comprehensive list and Iām not saying Iām necessarily good at all these activities, but here are some things that I find joy in, in random order:
My turtle
Of course my turtle is my favorite. I would discuss his many wonderful attributes in detail, but Iāve been planning a separate entry just for him.
Empathy/ Nurturing Others
One thing I really like about my turtle is that he gives me someone to dote on, and I have a plant here in the hospital for the same reason (although Rosa the rose of Jericho isnāt quite as exciting as a real, live reptile). Giving of myself and expecting nothing in return from the recipient makes me feel like I am who I was supposed to be. I always feel a sense of awe when I see a scene depicting an operating room with one person, who is wounded, and countless people busily working to save them. It is a tribute to empathetic species like humans that so many strong individuals would work together to save one weaker individual.
Spreadsheets
This is one that can get a bit out of hand and sometimes I start making a spreadsheet for just about everything, but there are few things that can soothe me like a good spreadsheet. Whenever Iām stressed about money, making a spreadsheet helps me at least feel like Iāve quantified the problem.
Philosophy
I like philosophy. My paternal grandparents were intellectuals and although I donāt think Iāll ever be able to fill their shoes, I find the subject fascinating. For a long time I was limited to philosophy that was written by Christian authors, but even then, I sought out whatever I could. I remember reading The Doctrine of the Knowledge of God by John Frame, which was my introduction to epistemology. It was kind of a whackadoodle introduction and I still would look foolish trying to talk about epistemology around real philosophers, but I look forward to learning more about the subject in time.
School
I was homeschooled until college, and I remember going off to college and to my shock, there were teachers there who just wanted to teach us anything we needed to know! I found out that I was good at things that I had never imagined I could be good at. My natural curiosity combined with constant reinforcement in the form of praise from professors who liked curious students made higher education a lot of fun! I ended up getting a BA in Spanish and an MEd in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages).
Linguistics
When I was little, I always liked grammar. Then, as an adolescent, I discovered linguistics on Wikipedia and spent all kinds of time looking up sounds that I had never heard of and languages that communicated in ways that I had never thought of. Later in life, I came across a documentary called āThe Linguistsā and it was so inspirational to me that I never thought about languages the same way again.
Children
The greatest source of pain that I have in my life is that Iām in my thirties with no kids and Iām afraid that I will never have kids. When Iām with a group of women, the conversation often turns to stories about giving birth and I try to mask my envy. Obviously Iām nowhere near a place in my life where I could think about having a baby and I would rather never have any offspring than repeat the cycle of trauma that was passed down to me. But I think about my life and all the things Iāve learned the hard way and/or through a whole lot of therapy, and I just want my own kids who I can pass that down to. I want to give them the love and nurture and admiration that I never got from my parents. I want to teach them to think critically and reach their own conclusions and disagree with me on everything if they want, as long as they are happy. Before my trauma disorder became too much for me to manage, I used to work with kids and I never ever had a ābadā student. One thing that made it really hard was my fear that one of the kids would go through what I went through. But once I get my mental health in order, maybe Iāll get back into it. My absolute favorite thing about teaching was when a student learned, if only for a moment, to see themselves as positively as I saw them, because I thought all my kids were rockstars.
Animals
This is back on the nurturing topic, but even if my turtle is my favorite animal who has ever existed, I like other animals, too. The thing about some animals is that they are furry and you can snuggle them and tell them how wonderful they are and they believe you. As for reptiles, they prefer if you just skip to the admiration. With humans, if you give too much, the relationship becomes awkward, but you can spoil an animal all you want and they never feel unworthy or indebted or any of the crap that we humans think up to worry about!
The Big Bang Theory (TV Show)
One thing about me is that I usually donāt like movies or TV. I feel like life is hard enough and watching characters in pain, which is essential to most plots, is not fun for me. I only can endure movies if Iām at least promised in advance that there will be a happy ending. But in The Big Bang Theory, they managed to keep a plot together in which nothing actually that bad ever happened. Just everybodyās lives got better and better until they were perfect and then the show ended. This was underscored with bright colors throughout and characters who were universally portrayed as either simply good, or difficult-but-good-deep-down. As an added bonus, Sheldon had trouble with social skills, which I also have struggled with after being homeschooled in a cult until age 17, and one of the running gags was watching other characters explain social skills very directly to Sheldon. This was a gold mine for my anthropological studies of this āmainstream Americaā and I owe Penny for at least half of any success I ever achieve in life.
The Sims (Video Game)
I remember when the original version of The Sims came out in the year 2000. My dad brought it home for himself. Soon, my siblings and I were captivated. The game has evolved a lot and is now available as The Sims 4 with rumors all over the internet that there will soon be a The Sims 5. My life can be depressing, but my Sims always live wonderful lives. I like having them do mundane things and just watching the animations. Obviously itās no video-gaming in the hospital, but I can watch āLetās Playsā all over YouTube.
Travel
I used to travel a lot in college, and always managed to get academic credit for it. Thatās not why I went, though. I just love seeing people who live in totally different ways from what Iām used to, and the pros and cons of different approaches to life. Itās also amazing to see the things that humans have in common despite very different backgrounds, which deepens my empathy for people from all walks of life. And itās just exciting! When every little thing I do in a day is different from how I would usually do it, it makes life way more interesting!
Telling Long, Funny Stories that Sound Made-up but are Actually 100% True
If I had a nickel for every time someoneās told me I should be a stand-up comedian, I would probably have enough money to actually go into stand-up. The great thing about having had a totally weird life is that I literally donāt even have to make anything up. I just tell true stories from my life and get on a roll. I love people who have time to listen to me and who also laugh at my jokes.
Cooking
This one has fallen a bit by the wayside in recent years due to financial limitations that left me with no kitchen and an extremely tight budget for ingredients, but usually I really like to cook. When I was a little girl, I begged for (and actually got!) and EasyBake oven, and soon progressed until my mom let me make a cake that had Coca-Cola in it. As an adult, my favorite kind of cooking is making things that I canāt just go out and buy, such as food from other countries that donāt have local restaurants.
Feeling Domestic/ Being a Girl
Iāve struggled with this one because when you grow up fundamentalist, itās hard to know whatās the natural āmeā and whatās the identity that I was forced to put on in order to conform to the group. I do know that at no point in my life have I ever wanted to be anything other than a girl. And although Iām terrible at makeup, putting together outfits, and all the beautifying that most females learn to do in high school, I consider myself very girly. Feminism has indeed changed me a lot from when I was in church and I plan to eventually get back in the workforce and have a career. But even after I get my bigtime career, itās fine for me to come home at the end of the day and knit sometimes, right? Right.
Mountains
Iāve always loved mountains. When Iāve been in Latin America, the mountains have reminded me of New England, and when Iāve been in New England, the mountains have reminded me of Latin America. Theyāre so majestic and mysterious.
Nature Walks
Iām not as in shape as I was a decade ago when I used to consider hiking a hobby, but I still like going out in the woods and exploring the trails. Thereās something down-to-earth about crossing a small stream by crawling across a fallen tree, or admiring a patch of moss in the spring, or collecting pretty leaves in the fall. When I was in grad school I was in a snowshoeing group and it was a lot of fun.
Pumpkin Spice Anything
Some people make fun of the people who are obsessed with pumpkin spice, but as soon as July rolls around, Iām counting down weeks. I like pumpkin spice in my coffee, in my Frappuccinos, English muffins, yogurt, Cheerios, pies, those pastries you get at McDonaldās, and honestly I have never met anything with pumpkin spice in it that was not better off for having it. When I have time, money, and a kitchen, Iām the purist who buys a pumpkin in the produce section every fall, cuts it in half, takes out the seeds, bakes it in the oven, makes it into mush, makes a pie, then toasts the seeds in the oven. Iām not exactly sure why pumpkins make me so happy but they do.
Hugs
Thereās nothing like a good hug from either a person or a furry animal to boost the spirits.
Wearing Sweats
One of the silver linings of hospital life is that you get to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt every single day. I give myself an A+ in here for putting a bra on. When Iām on the outside and I try to dress up, I feel self-conscious and afraid that Iām not doing it right and I look silly. When I dress comfortably and Iām comfortable, I know that itās mission accomplished.
When Others Realize How Great They Are
Whenever I see an animal, like a sparrow in a parking lot, I delight in imagining that they know how incredibly beautiful they are. Sparrows hop around exuding confidence. Snakes literally slither from side to side and donāt give a š¤¬ what anybody thinks of them. Every time Iāve had a pet, Iāve hoped they knew what an amazing example of their species they were. I feel the same way about people. If a person thinks theyāre better than me, thatās annoying, but when somebody knows a lot about a topic (and everyone has at least one topic like this) and you can see their eyes light up as you ask the exact sort of question that theyāve studied their whole lives to be able to answer, thereās nothing like it.
Under-Appreciated Music
Whenever somebody asks me what music I like, I wonder how I should reply. I do like the major hits that are played over and over on the radio, but deep down, I like music like this:
I like traditional, authentic music by indigenous people from the Andes probably more than any other genre of music. I also like Celtic, both traditional and modern, country music even though everyone else who lives in my region hates it, and, yes, the Backstreet Boys and Raffi because I was a little kid in the ā90s and I still like to listen to childrenās music.
Cussing
In a totally separate topic from childrenās music, I like using bad words. I never knew any until I was an adult, and I still donāt know if Iām using them right, but I like punctuating my language with f-bombs when there are no children around. I donāt use words that discriminate against groups of people, or words that are considered bad for reasons that feel valid to me. I also donāt really use cuss words on my blog because it feels wrong somehow. But if you hang out with me and have a conversation, I enjoy use of profane language.
My Grandma
My paternal grandma was just the best person who ever lived. I treasure anything that reminds me of her.
Writing
I guess this oneās obvious. Iām a verbal processor, but I often express myself better in writing than when I have to think on the spot. Writing also makes me feel competent.
Soaking in the Tub
This one is interesting since Iāve never been one to enjoy showers, but I do enjoy taking a luxurious bubble bath. I discovered this about myself when I had a herniated disc in my back so bad that I couldnāt stand through a shower, so I had to take a bath. It feels bougie and self-indulgent. Especially if the bubble bath is lavender. Or Mr. Bubble.
Candles
I love going into a Yankee candle store, but I once spent a summer working in a candle factory and it smelled frickinā amazing! Other people got headaches. Not me. If I was feeling stressed, I just went down to where they were pouring the wax and took in a good whiff. I could smell candles on my clothes even after I got home. It was amazing.
Sunshine
I have a pathological fear of ticks so I donāt really hang out in the grass as much as I did when I was a kid, and I also donāt like it when itās hot outside so I often enjoy my sunshine from the air-conditioned side of a window, but I do like deep blue skies. It makes me feel connected to myself and all the other times Iāve enjoyed the sunshine, like when I was little or when I was a teenager and full of dreams.
Black Licorice
Those red Twizzlers donāt really do it for me, nor do the chocolate flavor. I like true black licorice. Itās probably my all-time favorite food, or at least close to the top of the list. My dad likes it, too, so it must be hereditary.
Swings
You canāt exactly get away with playing on the playground as an adult, but if a swing set is made of metal instead of wood, I feel fine using it. I like the sensory effect it has.
Retail/ Cashiering
As much as I feel like I should aim for more culturally-esteemed careers, Iām just so darn good at retail. My mother had the most volatile emotions of anybody Iāve ever met, and I pitied any customer service rep who ever came across her path. However, I managed her emotions for the first 17 years of my life so whatever a normal customer having a bad day throws at me, Iām usually prepared for it. I see extremely angry customers as a challenge, and when I am able to make them happy (which I usually can), I feel proud. I also genuinely like using this skill to brighten peopleās days. I was working a double one Christmas at a drug store because the alternative was to be home alone all Christmas (which is what I usually do on Christmas and I was looking for a change of pace), and an older man came in at the end of the day, all depressed because he, too, was alone on Christmas. āWHAT?!?!ā I exclaimed, āYou didnāt know the party was HERE?!?!ā I celebrated him and his discovery of our festive spirit at the run-down drug store in a crappy neighborhood, and his mood did seem to brighten. A lot of the time, people just need to know that they matter.
YouTube
Iāve been watching a lot of YouTube lately and it has been awesome. I donāt know when before this in human history there has been a platform where we could learn about so many things (hello CrashCourse!) and connect with so many awesome people. We talk about it like itās low-class or a guilty pleasure, but it has a lot more merit than people give it credit for.
Friends
I have got some amazing friends. My turtle has been living at the babysitterās house for months and she has been doting on him as though he were her own turtle. Another friend has come to visit me and give me hugs. I appreciate that my friends, many of whom are Christians, are not scared away by all my apostate talk and stand by me in my time of need. Iāve tried to be an island, and then I tried to be an island except with a turtle, and neither was a success. Human companionship is just necessary for humans, and given that my biological family sucks, Iām thankful to have friends ā¤ļø
Conclusion
Itās late and I feel like I need to proofread and then fix my citations, but Iām probably just going to slap something together and tell myself Iāll edit in the morning. I do feel very good about having written this post, because I think it gives a bit more insight into me and who I am besides just an apostate. Thanks for reading!
References
Backstreet Boys. (2009, October 25). Backstreet Boys – I Want It That Way (Official HD Video) [YouTube video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/4fndeDfaWCg
BaptistKitty. (2008, October 21). Bubba Shot the Jukebox – Mark Chesnutt [YouTube video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/7VKdwx5AB5k
Blanco Brown. (2021, June 18). Blanco Brown – Nobodyās More Country (Lyric Video) [YouTube video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/a4NHLJIRu8g
Celtic Thunder. (2020, May 1). CELTIC THUNDER X – ‘IRELANDS CALL’ [YouTube video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/zh3CVFbAIcM
Electronic Arts Inc. (2014). Sims 4 (PC version) . Maxis.
āāFrame, J. M. (1987). The doctrine of the knowledge of God. Phillipsburg, N.J: Presbyterian and Reformed Pub. Co.
Kramer, S., Miller, D. A., Newberger, J. S., Anderson, G. D. S., Harrison, K. D., Center for Applied Linguistics., National Science Foundation (U.S.),, … Ironbound Films,. (2009). The linguists. Garrison, N.Y: Ironbound Films.
Lena Rogers. (2012, September 5). Raffi Down By The Bay YouTube [YouTube video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/-CSxGHve60E
Lorre, C., Prady, B., Aronsohn, L., Collier, M., Belyeu, F. O., Cohen, R., Goetsch, D., … Warner Home Video (Firm),. The big bang theory.
Sebastian Ursich. (2009, December 6). Traditional music from the Andes: Chasca – Carullaktama [YouTube video]. Retrieved from https://youtu.be/f35HU3SwyWY