When I was a twenty-something and still Christian, I once made friends with a woman who belonged to the Eastern Orthodox Church. I was passionate about unity within Christianity at the time because of verses like these:
Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts. And yet I will show you the most excellent way.
1 Corinthians 12:12-31, NIV, qtd. in https://biblia.com/bible/niv2011/1Co12.12-31
(Many thanks to the folks at knowing-jesus.com for searchable references.)
So, as a twenty-something, I was eager to learn from another part of the body of Christ. She listened to me as I described my background, and how my parents threatened me with going to hell from the moment I was old enough to begin to grasp the concept. Her response was that this constant talk of hell was awfully negative, and she said that in her experience, her church barely mentioned the topic. But as I got to know her better, she definitely did believe that people who didn’t accept Jesus as their lord and savior would be damned. It was actively de-emphasized, but it was always there, lurking in the background.
I also remember being a teenager and looking up the infamous Westboro Baptist Church when they were in the news a lot. To my great surprise, they actually had the exact same founding document as the church I was being raised in (the 1689 London Baptist Confession of Faith). Apparently, our church had tried to keep in on the down low that WBC was also founded on the 1689, lest anybody think we were crazy or something. Everybody knew that WBC was horrible because they did and said mean, terrible, reprehensible things. But I, the thoroughly-brainwashed teenager, continued looking at WBC’s website and their statement of faith, and to my shock it was almost identical to ours. There was one song in particular, entitled “God Hates the World,” which drove home to me that they actually believed almost exactly what we did, and the only difference was that they shared this hatred with people outside the church, whereas we stealthily kept it within the confines of our homes. I knew what we believed, but we said it way less directly than WBC and really the only people who were warned of their impending damnation were people who either were born to church members or had made it to the inner social ring of a congregation.
I eventually found out that my Eastern Orthodox friend’s approach was much more mainstream, and most modern churches across denominations don’t talk about hell very much. Then you have churches like the one I grew up in, where we whispered about hell to each other but not to outsiders, and then you have WBC out on the streets with loudspeakers. My question is this: if you honestly believe that you love a god who is going to damn people, is sliding toward the “can pass for harmless” end of the spectrum really any better? Isn’t it more honest to at least go out and warn people?
Please understand that in no way whatsoever do I condone Westboro Baptist Church. I don’t know how many suicides they were directly responsible for, but they definitely harmed a lot of people. My argument is that they harmed two groups of people: those who grew up outside their church, and also the children forced to grow up with that brainwashing. I’m going to link to an article with a video in it rather than embedding it here because it is so incredibly disturbing and painful to watch:
https://abcnews.go.com/2020/raised-hate-kids-westboro-baptist-church/story?id=10809348
Now, just because my family hid their beliefs from the outside, does that make it okay? Does it make it okay that the only people my church hurt were basically their own children? By extension, what about the mainstream Christians who fool even themselves and convince themselves that their beliefs are kinder than ours were because they don’t talk about them?
Whether you de-emphasize hell or not, and who you tell about it, do not matter. What matters is whether you are okay with worshipping a god who damns.
I’m not saying that most Christians are hateful people; what I’m saying is that they are not honest with themselves about the implications of their beliefs. Most people, regardless of religion, are mostly kind, and most people’s children turn out fine. A child growing up in a Christian home that is balanced out with love will probably not be harmed. But Christianity itself is not the cause of that love, even when Christians think it is. Rather, they are naturally loving people who have managed to remain loving despite a belief system that is callous at best.
When people ask why an apostate would bother to want others to leave Christianity, that’s why. It’s exactly because most Christians are good people. Because if this life might be all we have, we need to love one another if we’re going to make it bearable. And believing that the god you love and serve is going to send your friends to hell does unfortunately create some awkward tension in relationships. Apostasy allows those naturally kind and loving people to love without the background grief that their loved ones are on their way to hell, without the background worry that they didn’t do enough to lead their loved ones to Christ. Apostasy can make a happier world.
