Author: theapostateturtle

Well, I’m hanging in. The hospital increased my dose of an antipsychotic, which has helped a lot with voices and somatic flashbacks. In an ideal world, I would have been able to take a couple weeks and do a partial program but unfortunately, I have to make money. So I’m substitute teaching again. Then, this…

It’s been tough. When I was still in communication with my mother (so, birth through my mid 20s), everybody’s perspective mattered except mine. Any time I told Mom about anything difficult that was happening, she immediately wanted to “see it from the other person’s perspective.” Even if I wasn’t angry at the person. Even if…

Warning: There are a lot of typos in this. Ordinary, I would edit them out. But this is not ordinarily. Well, it’s time for a proper update. Things aren’t actually going all that well. Previously, everything was awful except work. Work started going south, and here we are. Background The really major problems started with…

Well, a few months ago, I decided to find a Ted Talk that I saw once at a mid-grade mental hospital by the seashore. It was literally several years ago and I didn’t remember any keywords, but I took the time to find it because it had made a major impression on me. I’m always…

Well, long time no post! Basically, I discharged from the hospital, got COVID, and then got a job. I’m actually surprised by how well this last thing is going. The cat is having a really hard time adjusting to my being out, and I’m tired because I still am getting somatic flashbacks for an average…

Gas Leak: When it rains, it pours I woke up this morning to two missed calls from the pet sitter. My mind immediately went to a worst-case scenario, but thankfully everyone is medically fine. However the cat accidentally turned on the gas on the stove, so there was a significant gas leak all night. My…

I’m exhausted but I’m up ruminating so I’m hoping this will help. As I’ve mentioned, the episode in June at HBM was the single most traumatic event of my life. When I got out, I was destroyed, to the point that it felt like nowhere would ever feel safe again except my apartment. I never…

Hi all, first off, sorry for the appearance of my website right now. Something’s wrong with the CSS. I’m working on it. So, I was recently at this hospital with the uncreative title of “Hospital for Behavioral Medicine” (or “HBM” for short) in Worcester. Suffice it to say, it was the single most traumatic event…

Hi everyone. This won’t be a long post, but for some reason it’s important to me to post at least once per calendar month. So, shortly after my last post, a Very Bad Thing happened to me. It was the single most traumatic event of my life thus far. So, now it’s like… I can’t…

A Chance Encounter Well, I was recently back at the privileged mental hospital. It started out as a med adjustment gone wrong, but then my therapist dropped me and the details are extremely cryptic. I do not like that as soon as life gets remotely hard, therapists run away. Their tolerance for stress seems to…