Author: theapostateturtle

I’ve got 20 minutes left in the computer room, but I wanted to put this on here. Thinking about the short-term and short-term goals seems to be a much more popular lens than focusing on the long-term, but I think that’s exactly what brought me to rock bottom. The short term is going to suck,…

I haven’t been writing as much lately, for a reason. The 🤬 hospital changed their policies again and this time they reduced our screentime. It’s hard for me to fit everything I do on the phone into a brief period of time, so I don’t get to write as much as I would like. What’s…

”But Daddy I didn’t try to!” I remember my tiny voice crying desperately. ”Well you didn’t try not to!” my father roared, before diving in to pour out his wrath on me. Or sometimes, ”But Daddy I forgot that I wasn’t allowed to do that!” I screamed in total sincerity. “Well this will help you…

I’ve been a bit discouraged about writing lately because it seems that I still haven’t been discovered, and also because I feel like I’m being judged if I’m “on electronics” all day. But staring off into space and/or sleeping all day isn’t really any better. I did get a recent morale boost when the hospital’s…

I posted my last entry in part because, although I was steeped in only the Christian point of view for most of my life thus far, lately I’ve been willing to give ear to almost anything but what I grew up with. The people who I admire who create content online watch videos they disagree…

I don’t actually remember what got me onto this train of thought, but today I decided spontaneously to look up “Biblical Counseling” on the internet. The way it was taught in the church I grew up in was that it was simply the regulative principle applied to counseling. For those fortunate enough not to have…

I’m trying a new thing to see how it works. I’ve been “spacing out” aka dissociating when I try to write, so I went into a private room, recorded myself on https://resonaterecordings.com/voice-recorder/, saved my work on dropbox.com, paid a small fee to get an automated transcription of it on rev.com (well, technically it was free…

It has long been noted that people like to present their best selves on the internet. I am sort of an exception to this and I do share some of my struggles. However, some things are too personal. I’m not trying to make my life look better than it really is; I just want to…

I just feel… happy. I’m not very familiar with this feeling. Usually, my breathing is at least a little bit labored and I’m not used to it being easy. On the rare occasions that I do feel happy, it doesn’t usually last very long because I feel anxious about it. (Growing up, if I was…

This entry is going to have more to do with my development as a person and less to do with pure existentialism, even though existentialism always finds its way into my personal development somehow. Okay, I’m done writing and this is quite lengthy and probably could have been several entries. If you are new to…