I’m still reading The Happiness Hypothesis (I’m a slow reader) and to anyone who hasn’t read it, I cannot recommend it highly enough! Last night I read chapter 8, “The Felicity of Virtue,” and a point he made was that Western values were not as useful as they could be in part because we’ve striven for parsimony, the idea that “Decisions should be based ultimately on one principle only.” He felt that Ben Franklin and others had it right when they wrote out lists of virtues. So I made my own list. Then, I found some lists of values here and added them in ( https://positivepsychology.com/values-questionnaire/ ). Now I have way too many and I’m not sure what to do about it. The first two items are my true core values, and everything else is unranked and secondary.
The Apostate Turtle’s list of virtues:
- Empathy (by which I mean honor, not pity)
- Honesty
- Humor
- Community
- Family
- Veganism/Sentientism
- Kindness
- Resiliency/Overcoming
- Caring for our planet for the sake of future generations
- Multiculturalism/Multilingualism
- Science
- Honor for the marginalized (which goes with empathy)
- Profound respect for elderly
- Reading/Learning/Self-improvement
- Authenticity/Integrity
- Giving back to society with positive contributions/Helping people and animals
- Appreciation of self and others
- Adventure
- Freedom to make choices for oneself
- Calculated risk-taking/Courage
- Being a good listener
- Predictability
- Creativity/Originality/Ingenuity
- Emotional intelligence
- Existentialism
I notice that although these “feel right” to me, I’m not actually following them, in part because I literally can’t. For example, I ignore veganism entirely because I tried to practice it but there’s a limited menu here and there’s no possible way to get enough nutrients without eating meat. Likewise, although I strongly value family, the only family members I have right now who aren’t toxic are my sister and some extended family.
So it would seem that compromises have to be made. What can I do to reduce the animal products that I consume? How can I maximize the gift I have in my sister?
This is all significant right now because I recently talked to my doctor about resiliency. He basically said that if I had any, he would discharge me. So, I have a renewed interest in finding things that are meaningful to me that can mitigate my vulnerability factors. From what I’ve been able to find in my own readings and in group therapy handouts, there are two things that bring meaning to our lives:
1. Values
2. Being part of a community (Which is one of my values anyway.)
I used to go to church, which gave me a strong network of friends, which helped keep me sane. I definitely have slacked in maintaining friendships since then. I isolate and ignore those who love me, even when they reach out and go out of their way to be there for me.
My takeaways here are that first, I need to really really look at my list of values and find ways to follow them, even from the hospital. And, I need to start with community. Usually I start with my all-time highest value: empathy. Empathy both for others and for myself. But I think I need to dive into community. That way, I can drive up my resiliency, get out of here, and go somewhere where I can eat tofu and recycle.
