Well, I talked to the Ticket to Work program today. Remember how I thought that if I worked 56 hours a week instead of 16, I’d at least get $800 extra a month? Well, apparently you keep Medicare for roughly 72 months, but you have to pay for Part B, which is $202. So I’d only end up with $600 additional. I hate being locked into poverty.
Meanwhile, food has been difficult because it would require both going to the store, and washing dishes, plus I’ve had a lot of low-grade nausea for the past several weeks.
Work has been difficult because sleep has been difficult, mostly because somatic flashbacks are out of control. I keep feeling like I’m pushed back against a wall and being hit in the face or whatever. So I wasn’t very effective at work this week because I was dead tired after being up all night with flashbacks.
My supports are gradually being worn away… neurofeedback’s days are probably numbered and Ketamine is apparently a placebo at this point.
Everything just feels really hopeless right now. Which is humiliating because I want to be doing well and instead I’m falling apart. 😭
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