I had a conversation with my doctor today that felt novel to me but he clearly remembered having been over everything he said a lot of times previously. I interpreted his demeanor as annoyed, but I’m hoping I was wrong.
Anyway, he recommended some exercises to monitor my emotions. I attribute my rekindled motivation to my having had a miserable past week and I’m willing to try anything. I spent the last few hours making templates on Google Drive, so I’m tired now. I don’t want to lose readers with inactivity, though, so here’s a journal entry from just under 10 years ago:
Years later, I met a person who had spent several years of his life following a particular guru. The guru claimed to have access to Absolute Truth, and taught his followers that he alone was the ultimate authority on everything. However, the person I met was eventually troubled by the fact that there were actually lots of gurus in the area claiming the exact same thing. “What’s the probability?” he concluded.
This person didn’t know my story, but it felt validating that a practitioner of a “niche” (cult) form of Eastern religion came to the exact same conclusion as I did when I was following my super-specialized Calvinist Christian group. We actually were on opposite sides of the globe thinking the same thing. I wish it hadn’t taken so many years for me to consider the possibility that I might have been right. I agonized that the harder I thought, the more I came to the “wrong” conclusions.
On the other hand, what would have been the probability of my escaping? I have my paternal grandmother’s genes which certainly helped, but my chances were slim. And yet, years later and in a place far away from where either of us practiced our religions, my interlocutor and I made it into the mainstream.
Once in a while, improbable things happen in my favor.
