Well. We’re in a hotel. The electricity went out on Wednesday night and it turns out that the main breaker needs to be replaced. I’ve been dealing with this by attending to the kids, and whenever someone asked how I was doing, I didn’t really know how to respond. That strategy is reaching the end of its lifespan. But first, a family update:
The Turtle
The turtle was actually the consideration that got us to the hotel in the first place. The power went out at 10pm, and by the next afternoon, it was really cold in the house. He’s a tropical turtle and he can die from the cold very easily. Plus, he’s cold-blooded, so options that are available to help mammals stay warm, are not available to him.
He seems okay now. He was severely stressed when we first got here because I forgot his hideaway house. He protested like mad for an entire day, and then finally I retrieved his little house. I’m worried because he doesn’t really eat when we’re traveling, and although turtles can go a week without eating regularly in the wild, it’s not great for him to have to go through that. He’s also in a plastic bucket and I had to put the lid on it due to the cat. I cracked it so he’s getting air. It just feels horrible. Also, he doesn’t have heat or UVB so the best I’ve been able to do is keep the room’s thermostat set to 77.
The Cat
The cat settled in decidedly less easily than the turtle. He was absolutely panicking at first, running around wide-eyed and mewing like crazy. The vet said to get Feliway and spray it around the room. Which, I usually have that at home for him and it does seem to help. Unfortunately I could not get home at the time due to my not having a car, so I had to order it from Instacart. But it is helping now that we have it. I also got a radio and set it to classical music. He freaks out when I turn off the radio, but snuggles contentedly on the bed when it’s on. He’s limited to using his travel litter box, which he doesn’t love, and he’s not eating very much. However he has his wand toy which he is enjoying. I think he’s also happy now that he’s noticed that I’m here 24/7.
Me
I’m not doing great. This landlady has been evil since I was first introduced to her. Before I moved in, I was in a chronically life-threatening situation. Then, there was a licensing issue with the unit she had been planning to rent to me. But I had no way of knowing that, so I called her every single day, begging to know what was going on. Rather than giving me the common courtesy of an explanation, she gave me radio silence literally for months while I was in hell. She still ignores correspondence, and because I have a disability, she insists that she’s only willing to talk to social workers, not me. So whenever I email her, I have to cc a social worker. Then I get an email back from them saying, “[Landlady] says to tell you…”. It’s just completely dehumanizing. I never wanted us to have to hate each other. But when I talk to her nicely, she ignores me. Then when I threaten legal action, she suddenly does the thing that I need her to do. I avoid her as much as possible, but it’s been impossible this week for obvious reasons. So she’s undecided on whether she’s going to even let me deduct the cost of the hotel from my rent. The people on Reddit generally say that I’m SOL because I didn’t have renter’s insurance. Which, obviously I don’t have money for that. And it’s the people who don’t have renter’s insurance who are going to most need help when all of our food spoils and we miss a ton of work because we can’t leave pets unattended in the hotel.
And as much as I love the kids, I just feel like I’m going through this completely alone. It’s effing hot, and I hate having music going on in the background. I had just finally paid off my credit card, only to have to rack up a ton of money on it again trying to survive. Which is not my fault, and the person whose fault it is (Landlady) feels like she owes me nothing. I’m just tired of constantly getting screwed. They didn’t even start really working on the problem until I called the Board of Health to tell them the heat was out. Because people with disabilities don’t deserve habitable places to live? It’s really cold where we are! And it’s really hard constantly dealing with people who have no empathy for me and really don’t care that this is not my fault, when I don’t have a family or anyone to be on my side. It’s like it’s me against the world, and them I’m supposed to magically still have the ability to empathize with other people when nobody is empathizing with me.
So I want to move. But moving is expensive and last time they really wrecked a lot of my stuff. It also would require me to climb the professional ladder a lot faster than I would feel confident with. But. Maybe it would be the kick in the pants that I need? And as much as it would be nice to stick around and try to take on the entire system (ie, make it so that people running project-based housing for people with disabilities can’t expect people with disabilities to have zero self-respect or assertiveness), I can’t do that right now. The best thing I can do is let this landlady win and get out of there so she can get a new tenant with cognitive impairment who can’t call maintenance when the power goes out, much less the board of health. On the other hand, I do often run for my life when I’m triggered, and I’m for sure triggered right now. I really hate being defeated by people who I never wanted to have to fight in the first place.
