One thing about me is that therapists are often shocked that I can talk about really severe trauma without seeming to have any emotional response to what I’m saying. This has started to be problematic now that I’m spending a lot of time with “neurotypicals,” because I can be tone deaf to what is and is not okay to talk about. I casually mentioned having almost died of a suicide attempt today as background information to a point I was trying to make, and the other person was like horrified. I definitely made a mental note not to do that again, but I was really upset with myself afterwards. I’ve spent a lot of time with really judgmental people, so I had to consciously think about what non-judgmental people would say to me. That helped.
I can put a patch on the problem by memorizing a list of topics not to bring up, but the sad truth is that if I’m actually going to interact with people in socially appropriate ways, I’m probably going to have to be able to feel emotions about my life experiences while in social settings. I definitely for sure can feel emotions about them when I’m alone, but something about being engrossed in a conversation makes me totally unable to access that. My therapist has pointed out that it probably wasn’t safe to express emotions growing up, so I only feel them when I’m alone or at least in my own head. I don’t know if normal grounding skills would fix that.
