I feel like my previous blog posts have been pretty repetitive. I’ve been ruminating on how unsafe I feel living in this group home. And, honestly, I find it hard to blame myself. I was trapped. However, a lot of things have finally changed to be more positive and so I thought I’d put up a blog post while I’m happy to mix things up a bit on here.
First of all, I FINALLY got my cpap machine! I got diagnosed with sleep apnea in early January, and I was frustrated with how long it was taking to get the machine. However, it finally happened and on Thursday of this week I became the proud new owner of an incredible device. I was worried that my job wouldn’t let me take the time off, but they were really nice about it. I got to work at 7am (two hours earlier than usual) and left at 11:30am to begin an epic journey. For reasons I still don’t fully understand, the appointment was on the other side of the world. So getting there involved taking the bus to the commuter rail, followed by two subways, followed by another commuter rail, all to arrive at the appointment at its scheduled time of 4:00pm. Which might sound like a bad thing but I had SO MUCH FUN! I still think public transportation is fun. So I had a great day. And Google said I got over seven miles of walking in, which was nice. Getting rid of my car is definitely one of the best things I’ve ever done for my health.
Meanwhile, the CPAP machine is the best thing ever. I already feel so much better now that I’m breathing at night. I am running into the occasional snafu… for example, last night something woke me up and I tried to pause the device, only to find out that you can’t turn it off and on again. And the mask isn’t sticking to my face as well as I’d like. But I feel like I can figure all that out. I’m just really happy to have the machine.
Thursday was also great because it was payday. And it turned out that I overpaid on my phone bill last month so I owed nothing this month. I paid off my credit card and bought Allegra, a water bottle (because I forgot my old one on the bus 😭), a simple stopwatch, diabetes testing supplies, and groceries. Plus, I let myself take a rideshare into work one day so I could sleep longer with my new, amazing device. I always worry that I’m spending too much but when I look at it here, it feels like I’m really doing my best to be frugal.
The living situation is what it is. I still feel unsafe in the group home, just knowing that staff can’t call 911 if there’s a safety issue and the cops won’t come if I call 911 because I’m a resident in a group home. And it’s been absolutely impossible for me to get a response from anyone regarding what was going on with my apartment. Finally, I applied at a “rooming house” that I’ve lived at before. I’ll call it W.A. It’s called a rooming house, but the only shared space is the hallway and I believe there’s a laundry room. I would get my own bathroom in my unit. The landlady called on Friday saying that a room was available immediately. So, I emailed everyone involved with the subsidized housing to let them know that if I still didn’t get any responses, I was going to give up.
And suddenly I got a response. It was from a woman who had apparently been serving a different caseload for a while due to staffing shortages and it was her first day back. She explained that the unit that was set aside for me was previously the staff’s residence, and they were having trouble getting it licensed for being a subsidized unit. They were looking into other subsidies to see if they could get it worked out that way. There’s still no timeline, but I felt better just having been given an explanation. Now I have to decide between two options:
- Move immediately to W.A.
- Wait it out in the group home, with the hope of eventually getting an apartment
I still don’t know what to do. It would be an easy choice were it not for the fact that W.A. is severely infested with roaches. One time I left what I thought was a sealed bag of bread on the counter for a matter of hours, and when I opened it, roaches had not only infiltrated it but it looked like they’d already started breeding in there. I couldn’t see the numbers on my microwave because it had so many roaches inside of it that they were fully blocking the little lights. But I wanted to consider other factors, so I got this excellent worksheet online:
I cropped it down to post on here, so if you ever want to do a similar activity, you can find the entire blank worksheet, plus bonus materials very cheaply at TeachersPayTeachers. It’s by “Social Work Studio” under the title “DBT Pros/Cons Quadrant Worksheets” and available here: https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/DBT-ProsCons-Quadrant-Worksheets-6407096
I forgot to include that I would have to look up what’s required to move in to W.A. If they require first, last, and security, it wouldn’t be feasible to do that right away. I have to make a decision by Monday and let them know whether I want the room, so that would be a good question to ask then. I already sent an email to person who talked to me about subsidized housing and asked her some clarifying questions, like whether the apartment was a guarantee if I waited.
Whatever I choose, it feels good to have options and it feels good to have communication.
So, given that the cpap machine and an escape from the group home were the two things I wanted most in life, things are definitely looking up! Work has been great. It’s stressful, but it’s starting to feel routine. And getting hugs from cute little kids is a huge boost to my mood! I’m also doing much better with commuting to work by foot/bus rather than rideshare, which is saving me a lot of money. I also finally got the practicum started, so hopefully soon I can finish my online class.
It was a good week!
